Hey Todd, it's Todd.

I just posted this recipe (read: kitchen disaster) on my site, then I
checked yours and saw the request for recipes?  Coincidence?  Well, yeah,
probably.  But that's no fun.  Anywho, here it is in all it's glory.

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What follows is my attempt to make

Linguine in White Clam Sauce

I have on hand both my mom's recipe and the recipe on the can of clams:

"Let's see here, how much garlic does mom's recipe call for? None?! What the
hell? That can't be right. The can says two cloves. Okay, let's go with the
can. Fiancée always uses this garlic press tool, let's try it out when she's
not here in case I mess up. Crap. Oh shit. Um, I think I messed up. There's
garlic everywhere. Like on the floor, on the sink, all over the stove,
behind the garbage can... Damn it"

*Cleans a bit, aims better on the second clove and organizes the remaining
garlic into center of the pan*

"Well two cloves don't seem like nearly enough. Let's do two more. That's
better! Next! Mom's recipe says three tablespoons of olive oil..."

*Pours what looks like about 3 tablespoons of olive oil into pan*

"Well, that seems like enough right. Wait. No. No it doesn't. On TV they
always cook with a lot of olive oil. Italians always use lots of this stuff
right? I'm part Italian!"

*Adds a little more oil, cooks garlic and oil*

"Damn. I think I used too much garlic. It smells really strong. Uh oh. I'm
gonna have really bad gas later tonight. Ah well... Next it says one stick
of butter. A whole stick? Damn, if I eat all this I'm going to get really
fat! Plus, I don't think we have sticks of butter. Nope, not a one. We've
got this half empty tub of it though. Let's just use a small scoop. Is this
going to be liquidy enough? Probably not. It's supposed to be a sauce and
right now it's awful thick."

*Adds more oil*

"Okay, now for the fun stuff! 'Add one can of clams with half of the juice.'
Half the juice?! What kind of pansy recipe is this? Screw that."

*Dumps in the whole can with all the juice*

"Now we're cooking! Let's see here. Tabasco sauce? Nope, don't have any of
that. Let's use some cayenne pepper instead. Oh! Franks would be good too!
Let's use both!"

*Dumps both in liberal amounts*

"1 T parsley. Don't we have fresh parsley in the fridge? We do! Now I just
have to chop it up. Oh crap, we don't have a sharp knife! Well, let's just
use the bread knife."

*Mangles parsley*

"Looks good enough to me. How much of this shit do I need to add? I think I
read somewhere that fresh herbs are stronger then dried herbs right? Let's
do a pinch."

*Adds a pinch*

"Well damn, that's not nearly enough. This should be much greener."

*Adds two full handfuls of parsley. Dumps in another whole can of clams with
all the juice, some more oil, and a few more splashes of Franks for good
measure*

"Mmmm, that smells good. Wait, isn't this supposed to be a White Wine sauce?
There's no wine in here! Shit. Well it's not in either recipe... Maybe I'll
just add a little."

*Dumps in over quarter bottle of white wine*

"Wow. Now this is kinda soupy. By 'kinda' I mean 'really really really'. I
should probably simmer it down a little so it can reduce."

*Simmers the sauce for a while, stirring and adding more cayenne pepper
every once in a while*

"Okay, I think it's done. Oh nuts! I forgot the noodles!"

And that's it!  It actually tastes pretty good!

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Keep up the good work Todd!

Later, -T-
http://BlogNameRemoved.Blogspot.com

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