FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS
SANTA STORIES!

Hey! Now on Fridays & Saturdays through the holidays I'm gonna post a bunch of Santa stories! Send in yours! Hurry!

WARNING: These are Santa stories for grownupy-- not for youngins who are waiting for Santa. ;-)

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Not exactly a Santa story, but close.

So I was kind of a weird kid, and one year on Christmas Eve I went to my parents and told them that it had occurred to me that the reindeer did more actual work than Santa. I said that since the reindeer were actually pulling the sleigh, and Santa was just sitting in it, that it seemed unfair that he got to eat cookies all the time and they never got anything. Long story short, I left a salad for the reindeer that Christmas Eve instead of cookies for Santa. I even put in nine cherry tomatoes (one for each reindeer and one for Rudolf) and put a big sign next to it so Santa would know it was for them. I can just see my parents putting presents under the tree and munching on a salad and talking about what a strange child they had.

Laura Happy Holidays tOdd!!!! (From Mrs. Schmeling in South Dakota)

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Here's my Santa Story:

When I was a little kid (and my two brothers and one sister were also little kids), we lived in Yankton, South Dakota. Every Christmas Eve, my Dad would have to work late. Bummer for Dad. So after supper, Mom would pile us all into the car and drive around town so we could look at all the Christmas lights on the houses and that the city had up on the light poles and stuff. When we would drive back up to our house, we would see our Dad's vehicle. The livingroom (with Christmas tree, etc.) was in the front of the house and the kitchen was in the back of the house. We would all run into the livingroom, and see that Santa had been there and left big presents for all of us!!!!! We would hollar "DAD! DAD! Santa was here! Did you see him????" Dad would come trotting out of the kitchen and say: "NO! I didn't hear a thing! I was in the kitchen! I didn't see a thing! Wow!!!" We believed it year after year. I think we were still doing that even after we all secretly knew the truth. But it was a great Christmas Eve tradition.

This is kind of sad to tell you about, because last May my Dad passed away. So this is our first Christmas without him. But maybe in honor of his love for us, this year we'll drive around again and look at Christmas lights before we open our presents.

Happy Holidays!, Deb Schmeling

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Hey Todd:

My Santa story happened in 1987. My friend and I would go every year to have our photo taken with Santa. I know we were like 18 and 19 but it was still fun. To give you the full picture I have to mention that my friend was in her, ummm how should I put it, SLUTTY SLUT SLUT DIRTY GIRL phase? I love her to death, but she dressed like a common prostitute. But hey it’s Santa right, all goodness and peace and joy? Wrong.

We get up onto his lap and he starts making disgusting comments and roving with his hands. There are like little kids 2 feet away and he’s acting like a wretch. My friend thinks it’s funny and is kind of provoking him. I’m like, “Look Santa, I don’t want to have to ram an elf up your ass, quit it.” He had to be drunk or mentally ill or something because he keeps getting louder and louder. It would have been easy enough to just get up and leave, but this guy has a death grip on both of us and I have to mention a giant hard-on. EEEWWWWWWWW! I’ve had it. I’m done. I ball up my fist and punch Santa in the nuts. HARD. He falls forward and sure enough he lets us go. By this point everyone who was standing in line with their kids has scattered. I’m kind of glad too because if Santa didn’t back off I would have to bust out my 80’s self defense moves on him.

One of the scattered parents had run and told mall security about Skeezy Santa and they show up. Skeezy Santa is ranting that he’s going to have me arrested for assault. I’ve got my friend whorey the clown making them think we “asked for it” (remember the 80’s? “Asking for it” was a rape defense.) By this point the real cops are there. Thankfully a pissed off disgusted parent walked by who had caught the whole thing go down and he came over and talked to the cops (along with scattered mall security parent) and they haul Santa away instead.

We stopped having our photo taken after that year and I keep that last one as a reminder of a very bad night at the mall and a very Skeezy Santa.

-Steph

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Well, I live in Georgia so it isn't unusual for there to be men with grey hair, a long grey beard, a red flannel shirt, overalls and black work boots walking around. I had to stop by Ace Hardware to pick up something and my then 3 year old son started to act up in typical annoying 3 year old fashion. From behind we heard a voice and we turned around to see such a man. The man said, "Santa's watching you.". I thought my kid was going to pass out. Now he really understands that "he knows if you have been bad or good". Santa's always watching...even at Ace Hardware. -Holly

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