| The word yummy never turns us on -- especially when it's used to describe anything other than food. |
| We don't want to hear the sound of you brushing your teeth and going to the bathroom at the same time. |
| Hybrid cars are sexy. Walking six blocks to avoid paying a valet is not. |
| We want dessert. We want you to order dessert. What we don't want is for you to ask us if we want dessert. |
| If we love you, there is nothing so filthy that you can't say it in bed. |
| When you tell us about a business lunch you had with a woman, it's a good idea to tell us that she's fat, ugly, old, or a lesbian. Preferably all of them. |
| All women love to be referred to as "m'lady." As in, "Would you like another beer, m'lady?" |
| Sorry, but we're actually all not "a little gay." |
| It's always, always better to go commando than to show up in tighty-whiteys. |
| Unless we're blind or have no night-light in the bathroom, the whole toilet-seat thing is exaggerated and meant to control you. |
| Sometimes the answer to the question "Is something wrong" is really no. |
| When women say they don't fantasize about other men, they're lying. |
| When we say we don't fantasize about any other women, we're lying then, too. |
| You say: "I'm intense." We hear: "I'm a psycho." |
| Men who wear sunglasses at night don't look cool, rich, or sexy. They look as if they should be holding a cane or following a dog. |
| Don't go running in fear or in search of the fire extinguisher every time we start crying. Sometimes tears are a good thing. Stick around for the end result. |
| Our favorite foreplay technique? Mental stimulation. The kind where we're mentally tickled to the point of laughter. |
| We love it when you try. |
| Please don't wear jewelry. Of any kind. Ever. Just smell good and change your underwear once in a while. You are wearing underwear, aren't you? |
| All women like getting paid for sex. |
| When we start dating you and we're "holding out," the amount of time we wait has nothing to do with virtue; we're hoping to lose ten pounds before you see us naked for the first time. |
| Whatever! Now you're plagerizing polls?! Lame! |
| You don't even know how to spell "plagiarizing",
idiot! |