The Organic Peanut Butter Mistake (*Now With Retraction)

Anyway, lately I've been eating alot of peanut butter. (why is my face all round again?). My favorite is Skipper Super Chunk. Once (or twice) during the day I'll take a big soup spoon and make myself like peanut butter lolli-spoon and eat it. In the past, I've strayed from Skippy once or twice into Jif or Peter Pan land. But I'm a Skippy guy. I grew up with Skippy so other brands seem like 'off brands' to me.

Anyway again, today at Trader Joes getting the usual (Pre-sliced apples. Spicy Hummus. Turkey Jerky. Yogurt (mainly for Roscoe). Peanuts and/or Almonds (unsalted). A couple dinner meals like chicken parm or whatever. Chicken Dumpling Dim Sum thingees. Crackers. Frozen peas) And I stopped and stared at the Organic Peanut Butter section. It was pretty extensive. Salted. Unsalted. Chunkish. Smoothish. Whatever. And my dopey brain started to sales talk me into branching out in the peanut butter world.

It was all like, 'Hey man... why don't you get one of these? You're here and you need peanut butter. Try something new!'

Then another voice (hippie voice) chimed in with, 'Yeah man. This stuff is organic. Or-ganic. That means it's not made in the same place they produce Raid. Like your precious Skippy aka 'Dow Chemical Runoff in a Jar with Peanuts')

Then a third voice (this one sounds a little drunk or something) piled on, 'Just get the stupid pussy peanut butter! It's all the same crap...'

Alright! Alright already! I snatched one (salted and chunky) off the shelf and threw it in the cart. And just now I was sitting here doing some stuff and my hungry guy voice piped in. (It orders me around. Kind of pokes me with a stick). It said, 'Ay! You're hungry again! Surprise surprise! Go get yourself a peanut butter lolli-spoon! Chop chop!' I agreed this was a primo idea!

I go into the kitchen and open up the Trader Joes Peanut Butter. It didn't look right. There was an oil slick on top all gross and... oily oil. "Organic" looking. Fine fine. I was ok with it looking different. I just needed to stir it up. I could do that. I stirred this stuff from watery gross into some sort of mid-way gooey glop. So I stirred some more. It never moved past the mid-way gooey glop. Fine fine. I accepted this would be different texture than Skippy. I made my peanut butter lolli-spoon. It looked wrong. And tasted it. Gross. Tasted it again. Still gross. No sweetness. Too salty. Too earthy. Too brown. Too glooey gloppy.

I watched it sadly run down the spoon toward my hand. Unable to contain itself. (Unlike Skippy which you could probably use to hold wood together). I took one more lickbite. Nope. This wasn't gonna work. It wernt right. Nope nope nope. This will never work.

... Skippy. Only Skippy. For now. Forever...

ok bye!

tOdd

* Hey! So after the gloopy glob disaster yesterday I put this peanut-butter in the fridge. And today I decided to give it another shot. I opened up the jar and looked inside... Guess what! The peanut-butter totally transformed! The color was more peanutbuttery normal! And it could definitely hold onto being a lolli-spoon! Yah, I still don't like it as much as Skippy but I'm not hating it. So disregard the above! I'm eating the sandwich right now... and it might actually be... pretty good! Kinda psyched!

ok bye again!

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