The Starvation Diet Flaw
So I'm always trying to eat less because when I gain too much weight my face gets fat. Some people get a fat butt or a fat gut-- but I get fat face. And considering my head is oversized to start when I put on extra weight I turn into this big head todded monster. Sometimes when I'm at my facially fattest someone will take a group photo and my head looks like someone messed with it in photoshop or something because it's bigger than every other head in the picture by far. Almost freaky. It's kind of not fair because I feel like I could be comfortable with a nice gut and stuff but I'm not allowed to really pack it on because my head will start to get bigger sideways then lengthways. Being bald on top of it just makes it all very globey.
Anyway, to control my head weight I try to avoid bringing unhealthy stuff into my house too often. If I go shopping I'll stock up on apples or a bag of carrots or berries or whatever. Maybe some soup or crackers and stuff. And late night where I'm like super hungry I'll open up my fridge to a world of disappointment. I'll be hungry for a big bowl of ice cream or maybe a frozen Snickers or something and staring back at me is all this healthy crap. And I'll plop down on the couch sadly munching carrots or celery and stuff. Or maybe I'll have a cup of soup and I'll smash up some crackers in it. But it does work to keep my head in check and it's not a bad plan on the whole.
The problem is sometimes I'll go food shopping and I'll go off script. I'll grab a bag of potato chips off the shelf or maybe a box of ice cream sandwiches and...
(By the way, I really like these Salt and Pepper potato chips:)
....chocolate pudding cups or a whole thing of cheese. So why not just stick to the plan? Other people. Guests. In my head at the supermarket I'll tell myself that I should have that stuff around the house to be a good host in case people stop over. I'll be like, 'It would be cool to offer a chocolate pudding cup if someone comes over!' Or, 'People would be freaked out with happiness if I offer em a frozen snicker bar as a snack!' Left field hospitality! I'll tell myself that I should be a proper host... just in case.
The problem with this plan is people don't come over that often. 4 out of 5 times I'll chomp all that stuff by myself! Hosting myself to a smorgasbord of snacks! I'm no friggin host! People don't just stop over like a sitcom on tv! Sure, sometimes I'll be able to reap the hosting reward by offering a friend something awesome-- but way usually I'll be like, 'Hey! Who ate all my chocolate pudding cups?!' As I lie in a heap on the couch surrounded by empty chocolate pudding cups with the covers licked and everything.
Not sure how my brain keeps tricking me into buying stuff that I'm obviously going to personally eat... I dunno... maybe it's just getting smarter because my head sure is getting bigger...
PS. Post below you're #1 brand of potato chips if you wanna...
Warning: Some of the comments below might be annoying or eye-rolly....