Man/Dog Comparison
I admit it. Some days I'm jealous of my dog. Yesterday was one of those days. I know I'm too involved with my dog or whatever for some people. But I thought about my day yesterday compared to Roscoe's day. Not that I can complain about my day at all--- but Roscoe totally can't!
Put it this way. Here's how our calendar/journal matched up:
| TIME OF DAY | MAN | DOG |
| 8AM | Wake up and make coffay. Remember that I forgot to buy milk again. Get mad at self. | Wake when Man awakes. Then go back to sleep. Dream of swimming and horses. |
| 8:20AM | Drink coffay. Try to wake up. Surf net. | Turn over. Stretch. Stretch more. Fall asleep. |
| 8:30AM | Screw around and update stuff. Get mad at computer bug. Restart. | Sleep flat on back. Enjoy self. Enjoy dogness. |
| 8:38AM | Tell dog it is time for his belly rubs. | Enjoy belly rubs from the Man. Right on schedule. | 8:45AM | Dash off a stupid email to someone. Wish I saved to drafts before sending. Work on a 'smart' follow up to cover up stupid me. | Jump off bed. Stretch back. Look around. Sniff around. Look out window. |
| 9:00AM | Gather up laundry to bring to the laundry place. Sniff jeans to see if it's time to wash them. | Bark at laundry. Tug at shirt. Let go. Stretch. Grumble. |
| 9:15AM | Head out with dog. Drag 35lbs of laundry to the place. | Get treats at place and love and praise. Leave to pee. |
| 9:20AM | Watch dog pee on feet. Make mental note. | Pee on feet. Enjoy the warmth but not the wet. |
| 9:30AM | Realize I forgot my cellphone. Too late to go back. Already heading to dog park. | Doody on ground in front of people. Feel shame. Get over it fast. |
| 9:31AM | Get out baggie. Pick up doody. Feel shame. Get over it fast. | Smell other dog's urine. Take in top secret information. File. |
| 10:00AM | Arrive at dog park. Try to ignore the one dog park person who I don't like so much. | Play! Run! Wrestle! RUN!!! RUN MORE! FREEDOM! FENCED IN FREEDOM! |
| 10:15AM | Get trapped in conversation with person I don't like so much. Person doesn't believe in global warming and laughs at polar bear problems. I avoid argument. | Run up the hill! Run down the hill! Run up the hill! Get chased! SNIFF!!! Chase! OOH!!! CHASE ME! SMELL BUTT! FRIEND! PLAY! |
| 10:25AM | Wish I got more coffee on the way. Search pockets for gum. | Doody time! Again! |
| 10:26AM | Get out baggie. Pick up doody. | Get excited because another dog friend has arrived!!! The one who likes to chase! Chase meeee!!!! RUN MORE! |
| 10:45AM | Decide to leave dog park. | Decide to leave dog park. |
| 11:11AM | Make 11:11 wish. | Pull Man toward pet store to get treats. |
| 11:15AM | Refuse to go into pet store and keep walking. Dog briefly protests. | Decide against going into the pet store today. Will definitely go tomorrow. |
| 11:20AM | Arrive home and walk upstairs. | Arrive home! Run upstairs! |
| 11:28AM | Prepare lunch for dog. Shake taco-style shredded cheese on top for extra flavor. | Eat lunch. Make mess in the process. |
| 11:30AM | Clean up mess. | Hear noise. Run to bed and bark out window at dog that sounds just like me! Bark more! |
| 11:32-1:00PM | Listen to dog park at own echo while working on finishing taxes. Put all in envelopes and add way too many stamps to subdue paranoia. Say goodbye to money. | Lick own penis. Enjoy special ability. |
| 1:15PM-2PM | Reward myself for finishing taxes by playing Quake 4 multiplayer online. Come in 2nd place three times. | Decide to nap next to toilet. Slightly cooler there. Preferred location for afternoon nap. |
| 2:05PM | Start freelance project that I promised myself I'd start two days ago. | Drink from toilet. Go back to sleep. |
| 2:08PM-3PM | Play Quake 4 demo. Come in first place! Type taunts to InDus and weedhorse. | Wonder how Man stares at light box for sooo long. |
| 3:02PM | Check how things are going on website. Type up some stuff. Update stuff. Answer emails. Check boards. | Walk into computer room. Fart terrible fart. Smell fart. Enjoy fart. |
| 3:13PM | Put shirt over nose. Terrible. Laugh. | Fart again. Terrible! Giggle inside. |
| 3:15-5:30PM | Work on five different things at the same time. Finish none but make progress on one. Then call friends on phone. Talk bout stuff. | Try to gather thought. |
| 5:40PM | Head outside to mail taxes and walk dog. | Decide to go outside with Man and walk around. |
| 5:45PM | Mail taxes. Say phew. | Stand next to tree. Lift leg away from tree and pee all over sidewalk for fun. |
| 5:50PM | Bump into someone who I've met 10x but still don't know their name. They call me by my name. I'm embarrassed. | Eat something off ground. Tasted weird. Ignore taste. |
| 6:00PM | Decide to pick up laundry. | Decide to get more treats. |
| 6:15PM | Arrive home. Heat up old chinese food. And make dog his dinner. Microwave one egg for 20 seconds. Not too hot. Put on top of dog food. Stir. Add water. | Decide to have an egg with dinner. Was served slightly cold. Make mental note for Man. Immediately lose mental note. |
| 6:30PM | Sit on couch. Watch TV. | Sit on couch. Stare at flashy colorful noisy box Man seems to like way too much. |
| 6:48PM | Watch dog food commercial. Dog barks on TV. | Go CRAZY! There's another dog in here!!! BARK BARK BARK! I HEARD A DOG!!! |
| 6:49PM | Stare at dog. | Bark! BARK BARK! BARK! DEFEND! DEFEND! DEFEND! WHERE DOG? ME? who... |
| 6:50PM | Stare at dog. | Forget what barking at. Go to sit on couch next to Man again. |
| 6:50-7PM | Pet dog behind ears and scratch back. | Yawn. Enjoy scritchies. |
| 7:00-9PM | Work on stuff and stuff. Catch up on stuff. Try to get organized. Post on boards and RoscoeCam. Promise tomorrow will be productive... or else! | Naptime again. Evening relaxation. |
| 9:15PM | Finish "working". Head out to meet friend at local bar that is dog friendly. Bring dog. | Decide to head to local bar I like. |
| 9:30PM | Drink beer with friend and talk. | Lay on floor. Accept compliments and pats and love from strangers. |
| 10:00PM-11PM | Notice that dog is attracting girls lots of girls. Notice I am not. | Jump on girls. Kiss girls. Accept hugs and kisses and strokes. Accept compliments. Look cute. Be cute. |
| 11:12PM | Some girl asks me if I am aware my dog is a "chick magnet". Unsure what the right answer to that question really is-- so I mumble something incoherent. | Watch Man blow it again. Kiss girl he just mumbled at. Kiss her on the mouth. |
| 11:15-Midnight | Try to turn conversation with girl away from dog conversation to human conversation. Unsuccessful multiple times. | Lay on floor with back legs splayed like frog. Enjoy praise and squeals of cuteness. Stick out tongue. |
| 12:15AM | Head home. Jerk dog away from street trash on the way and fail. Groan. | Lunge at delicious mysterious treat. Got it! Now something in mouth! Delicious! |
| 12:16AM | Wrestle old disgusting chicken wing bone out of dogs mouth. Fight for it. | Allow Man to take mysterious treat out of mouth. Didn't want it anyway. |
| 12:30-1:30AM | Watch Deadliest Catch on TV. Realize what hard work is. Think that my day was pretty good. Feel pretty happy. | Feel happy!!!! Feel sleepy!!! |
| 2AM-4AM | Time for sleep. Fight for bed space in MY bed with dog. Try to sleep soundly. | Time for sleep. Fight for bed space in MY bed with Man. Try to sleep soundly. |
| 4:13AM | Wake up suddenly. | BARK AT NOISE OUTSIDE WHAT WAS THAT NOISE! IT WAS A MONSTER! BARK BARK BARK! MONSTER ALERT! BARK BARK!!! I HEAR MONSTER! |
| 4:15AM | Talk dog off ceiling. Tell him to relax and everything is ok. Feel love for dog. | Feel like hero. Feel love for Man. |
| 4:20-7:48AM | Sleep and dream of work... and boobs. Worry about world. | Sleep and dream of deliciousness and fun and action and running and unknown things that are good. Don't worry about world. |
So when you look at it that way...
ok bye!
tOdd